10 most stupid questions people ask in obvious situations.................

Hello everyone!

First day of fourth month and all know what it is.April fool day but relax, I am not here to fool anyone. I think its time all relax and have a laugh. I am sure everyone has come across such people in their lives.  So chill and enjoy the following post.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again. 

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

 4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??
Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...
Stupid Question:-Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.
Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:-No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron. 

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

 9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!


Hope you all had a good laugh! So what's  your take on this?

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What type of person you are.... find out

Hello! Today’s post is to describe the types of people we meet in our daily lives. It’s a humor post so have fun.

Impatient person:  always in hurry type and won’t think twice before talking and wants things done first and fast. In this category also come people who see the shopowner is still opening the shop and yet say I want this or that.

Interfering person:  he or she won’t see if the person is busy talking to someone or doing something and straight away butt in trying to make the other person notice him.

Stupid person:  there are shops here who have big telephone booths for Local, national or international calls and yet this person would barge in and ask DO YOU HAVE TELEPHONE BOOTH! Uff they somehow miss the six footer booth standing outside the door.

Annoying type: every few mins he would ask questions related to the work he is doing. If you don’t know then why are you sitting here?

Silent type:  who won’t say a word what they want and just use hand sign to tell his message or whatever he wants to tell.

Forgetful type:  these people tend to forget their own things like wallet diary or cellphone and even forget to pay to shopkeeper and straight buzz off without backward glance but they do remember at times that they forgot their personal belongings.

Accusing type:  the blame game begins. Mistake is of this person yet doesn’t stop him from accusing the shop owner or the other person. These people also fall in the category of abusive people with flair knowledge of slang words.

The know-it-all type:  ever ready to say they know everything and would try to fix things without waiting for approval and won’t listen to a  no.

These are sort of negative people and there may be more too.

Helpful person: he would stick around and help out on his own without any acknowledgment

Cheerful person: always says hi hello how are you with a nice smile.

Generous person: he would walk away  intentionally or unintentionally paying more than he is charged for.

Straightforward person:  they come, they do their work and they leave without any argument or anything.

The honest person:  he would  give out things he sees or pays  even the bills the shop owner forgets to  collect.

Well this is my list. Feel free to add more if you know and yes……. Which type of person are you from the above…. Remember I would  wait for your answers so do answer generously  and honestly…….  And  if you are one of the negative ones….. change yourself to positive  one….

Have a nice day  everyone.

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Fun tips for secret messages on paper........

Hello everyone!

Strange title, right! Today  let me tell you what we used to do when we were kids but before I begin, a word of caution... this post and its contents are just meant to be fun type and not to be taken seriously.

As kids we used to send messages in codes across the school desks without teacher knowing or at times just would send a cryptic message across which no one else would know except the receiver. Here I would show you some tricks I know.

Did you know  that orange juice or lemon juice acts as invisible ink? Take a piece of paper and write something in normal ink while leaving space after each sentence. Then dip your pen in orange or lemon juice and write in that blank space secret message which only your friend would know how to figure out. If anyone does see the paper they would see the other message and smell of orange or lemon.  Once the paper is with friend he or she can just give a little heat not direct though. Hold the paper a bit away from flame so only heat reaches the paper and slowly the invisible orange or lemon writing would appear. That's the way to decipher coded message. Recently something like this was used in one of the TV programmes I saw and it works.

Second coded trick is to swap the alphabets, means A=Z , B=Y and so on. Pre decide which would be the decoder or you can substitute alphabets for numbers. eg  A=1 or change it to A=26, Z=1 and so on.. and send the message across as series of numbers. By far this is easiest and can be decoded.

I am sure everyone knows about Morse code which is I believe still being used. Not easy one but still a good one.

Finally a cryptic one I had used when I was in school. How many of you have played Tic Tac Toe. Trick here is make 3x3 grid like tic tac toe and make three  of them. Assign one alphabet to each box in grid. Say first grid would have alphabets  like this., 

                                                         A  B  C

                                                         D  E  F

                                                         G  H  I    

same way in next  grid would go remaining alphabets.

                                                        J   K  L

                                                        M N O

                                                        P  Q  R

and final grid would have :      S  T  U

                                                       V W X

                                                       Y  Z

Notice the positions they are in. Alphabets in second and third grid are in same position as the first one. So here is how you make the code.  top left has shape of right angle facing left and middle top is facing upward and top right has right angle facing right.  middle row  is left facing left middle is closed square and right facing right. The last row is same like the first one but angle is bit different. Hope  you got the idea.

First set of 9 alphabets is simple, you just put the angle they are in. eg the word BEAD.  notice where they are set. so use those angles. middle upper,middle square, top left, middle left. just use the shapes they are in.

But the next grid has same angles so what you do is use those angles but put one dot in the inner side for second grid and for third grid put two dots.  Below is the pictorial guide which I hope would be easy to understand and I have given example of how the word BEAD would look in this code and how the word  KINGS  would look in this cryptic code.Notice for S in KINGS    I have put two dots as that belongs in third grid.

So this is the fun way to send messages across and again I repeat this is just for fun purpose and being  a kid again but not to be serious. Just enjoy!

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When A Photograph Is Not Just A Photograph ...

Hi  I got this in mail few days back. So sharing with everyone.  Enjoy!

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alt+ctrl+del (computer humor)

Alt Ctrl Del

IF ONLY LIFE COULD BE LIKE A COMPUTER!

 

 

 

If you messed up your life, you could press "Alt, Ctrl, Delete" and start all over!

 

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

 

If you needed a break from life, click on "suspend".

 

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

 

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.
  

 

To "add/remove" someone in your life, click settings and control panel.
  

 

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.
  

 

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.
  

 

When you lose your car keys, click on "find".
  

 

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.
  

 

You wouldn't need auto insurance.  You'd use your diskette to recover from a crash.
  

 

We could click on "send" and the kids would go to bed immediately.
 

 

To feel like a new person, click on "refresh".
 

 

Click on "close" to shut up the kids and spouse.
  

 

To undo a mistake, click on "back".
  

 

Is your wardrobe getting old? Click "update".
  

 

You don't like cleaning the litter box, click on "delete".

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Test yourself with Puzzle.................

Hi all......

got this in mail few days back so thought lets test everyone.....

LETS SEE - HOW BRILLIANT ARE YOU ?



Test yourself with these thinking exercises. The solutions are at the bottom of the page. Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look! It'll be a lot more satisfying.

 

1. There is a man who lives on the top floor of a very tall building. Everyday he gets the elevator down to the ground floor to leave the building to go to work. Upon returning from work though, he can only travel half way up in the lift and has to walk the rest of the way unless it's raining! Why?



This is probably the best known and most celebrated of all lateral thinking puzzles. It is a true classic. Although there are many possible solutions which fit the initial conditions, only the canonical answer is truly satisfying.


2. A man and his son are in a car accident. The father dies on the scene, but the child is rushed to the hospital. When he arrives the surgeon says, "I can't operate on this boy, he is my son! " How can this be?



3. A man is wearing black. Black shoes, socks, trousers, coat, gloves and ski mask. He is walking down a back street with all the street lamps off. A black car is coming towards him with its light off but somehow manages to stop in time. How did the driver see the man?



4. One day Kerry celebrated her birthday. Two days later her older twin brother, Terry, celebrated his birthday. How?



5. Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones? This is logical rather than lateral, but it is a good puzzle that can be solved by lateral thinking techniques. It is supposedly used by a very well-known software company as an interview question for prospective employees.



6.. A man went to a party and drank some of the punch. He then left early. Everyone else at the party who drank the punch subsequently died of poisoning.. Why did the man not die?



7. A man died and went to Heaven. There were thousands of other people there. They were all naked and all looked as they did at the age of 21. He looked around to see if there was anyone he recognized. He saw a couple and he knew immediately that they were Adam and Eve. How did he know?



8. A woman had two sons who were born on the same hour of the same day of the same year. But they were not twins. How could this be so?



9. A man walks into a bar and asks the barman for a glass of water. The barman pulls out a gun and points it at the man. The man says 'Thank you' and walks out. This puzzle claims to be the best of the genre. It is simple in its statement, absolutely baffling and yet with a completely satisfying solution. Most people struggle very hard to solve this one yet they like the answer when they hear it or have the satisfaction of figuring it out.



10. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?



11. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?



12. There are two plastic jugs filled with water. How could you put all of this water into a barrel, without using the jugs or any dividers, and still tell which water came from which jug?



13. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?



14. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday? (or day names in any other language)


15. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.



The solutions are below.... Don't be lazy. Try hard to figure these out before you look!

                                                                                 
                                    
                                                                     


                                                                      

'Solutions'





1. The man is very, very short and can only reach halfway up the elevator buttons. However, if it is raining then he will have his umbrella with him and can press the higher buttons with it.


2. The surgeon was his mother.


3. It was day time.


4. At the time she went into labor, the mother of the twins was traveling by boat. The older twin, Terry, was born first early on March 1st. The boat then crossed a time zone and Kerry, the younger twin, was born on February the 28th. Therefore, the younger twin celebrates her birthday two days before her older brother.


5. A square manhole cover can be turned and dropped down the diagonal of the manhole. A round manhole cannot be dropped down the manhole. So for safety and practicality, all manhole covers should be round.


6. The poison in the punch came from the ice cubes. When the man drank the punch, the ice was fully frozen. Gradually it melted, poisoning the punch.


7.. He recognized Adam and Eve as the only people without navels. Because they were not born of women, they had never had umbilical cords and therefore they never had navels. This one seems perfectly logical but it can sometimes spark fierce theological arguments. (Just what a HUMOR list needs!!)


8. They were two of a set of triplets (or quadruplets, etc.). This puzzle stumps many people. They try outlandish solutions involving test-tube babies or surrogate mothers.. Why does the brain search for complex solutions when there is a much simpler one available?


9. The man had hiccups. The barman recognized this from his speech and drew the gun in order to give him a shock. It worked and cured the hiccups--so the man no longer needed the water. The is a simple puzzle to state but a difficult one to solve. It is a perfect example of a seemingly irrational and incongruous situation having a simple and complete explanation. Amazingly this classic puzzle seems to work in different cultures and languages.


10. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.


11. The woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it, and hung it up to dry.


12. Freeze them first. Take them out of the jugs and put the ice in the barrel. You will be able to tell which water came from which jug.


13. The answer is Charcoal.

14. Sure you can: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!


15.. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

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Back to school...

Hello everyone!

Time for another laugh riot. A few days back I got this in mail and it was totally awesome. 

Enjoy............

Teacher: 'What is your name?'.

Student: 'Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai.'


Teacher: 'When I ask a question in English, answer it in English.'

Student: 'My name is Sunlight .

 
Teacher: 'What is your name?'.

Student: 'My name is Beautiful Red Underwear'

Teacher: 'What kind of a name is this? Don’t joke tell me the right name'

Student: 'My name is Sunderlal Chadda."

Teacher: What happened in 1869?

Student: Gandhi ji was born.

Teacher: What happened in 1873?

Student: Gandhiji was four years old.

Question: What is the full form of maths.

Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students.

Teacher: Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?

Student: BROTHERLY LOVE

Teacher: Because of Gandhiji's hard work what do we get on 15th August.

Student: A holiday

 
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it.

Raju: No ma'm! I will not be able to attend it.

Teacher: Why?

Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!!

 


Teacher: 'Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? '

Johnny: 'Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time.'

Teacher: How old is ur father.

Sunny: As old as I am.

Teacher: How is it possible?

Sunny: He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Teacher: There is a frog, Ship is sinking, potatoes cost Rs3/kg...Then, what is my age?

Student: 32 yrs.

Teacher: How do you know?

Student: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad. 

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funny quotes

Hello again! I was thinking what to post now when I came across this.

"Laughter is the best medicine"

Advertisement In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar, for sale....... cheap....... ....no strings attached.


Ad.. In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You Lose Weight ... One Lung At A Time!

Seen on a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative. More The Success, More The Relatives.


When I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...I Gave Up Reading.

 
My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses... He Drinks Straight Out Of The Bottle.


You Know Your kids Have Grown Up When:
Your Daughter Begins To Put On Lipstick.. Or Your Son Starts To Wipe It Off.

Sign In A Bar:
"Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please Pay In Advance."

Sign In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way.

Behind Every Great Man, There Is A Surprised Woman.


The Reason Men Lie Is Because Women Ask So Many Questions.

 
Getting Caught Is The Mother Of Invention.

Laugh And The World Laughs With You, Snore And You sleep Alone.

 
The Surest Sign That Intelligent Life Exists Elsewhere In The Universe Is The Fact That It Has Never Tried To Contact Us.

Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit:
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business.

A Traffic Slogan:
Don't Let Your Kids Drive If They are Not Old Enough Or Else They Will Never Be.

Sign In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.


Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlor Window:
Don't Whistle At The Girls Going Out From Here. She May Be Your Grandmother!

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